Milestones

My dear friend Mike was in town for the wedding of his daughter McKenzie to Andrew. Mike and I worked at the Mary Davis Home from 1977 to 1988 when I decided to move on and do counseling work in an adult prison. We shared a simiLiar approach to our work and how to interact with others. While the years and miles have separated us it is one of those rare friendships that allows you to pick up right where you left off as if no time had passed. Mike stopped by for a visit today and as always said something that made me pause to think. Isn't that something we all want in a friend? Someone who makes us think. Mike wondered what the next milestone would be. We all have them in life. Things like taking our first step, going off to our first day of school, high school graduation, college graduation, marriage, birth of our first child, death of our parents, first grandchild, first child getting married. Mike has been through all these milestones and wondered what was next. Carol was sitting with us and we suggested the first time Norah walked or talked or started school. Mike correctly indicated those were her milestones and not his. Retirement is not an option as Mike is already there. What is left? Staring at the sun and waiting for the blissful release of death to free us from these earthly bonds? are there no milestones left for us? I pondered the idea and realized I could think of none. It does not mean that we will sit idly by and listen to the clock tick off the remaining minutes of our lives. We will live on and do what we will realizing that we are now prepared to pass the baton in the relay race of life. We have done our work, raised our children, seen them marry and have children of their own. We cannot go back and change what we have done or right the wrongs we have done. We can just hope we did enough to make the world a little better than it would have been without us. I am no longer a religious man, those days are gone. No belief in eternal life, this life is enough for me. I believe we live on only in the memories of those who know us. When they are all dead we are gone as well. So Mike, if the next milestone is death I take comfort in the belief that, at least for a time, I will be remembered.

Mother¥€%#

There has been a good deal of news coverage over the past week about mothers. Some ignorant Democratic talking head commented that Ann Romney had no standing to discuss economic issues because she was a stay at home mom and never worked a day in her life. As a man it was at least good news that the comment was made by a woman. Is being a stay at home mom work? It is a stupid question. If your children go to day care you pay someone to teach them, play with them, feed them, and do all the other things a stay at home mom would do with them. If that is work then their mother staying home with them would be work. It doesn't bring in a paycheck, but that doesn't mean it is not a job. I consider myself lucky. I'm 58 years old and on Tuesday I got to go out to supper with my two brothers and our 82 year old mother to celebrate her birthday. She was a stay at home mom until I was in junior high school. Was taking care of three boys a job? I remember some of the stunts we used to pull and I know we made her work. It would have been easier for her to send us to day care but no amount of money could get anyone to watch us for long.

Men, especially Republican men have had plenty of stupid things to say about women this year. They hold Congressional hearings on contraception and ask questions to an all male panel. Male contraceptive practices are pretty limited and in my mind are limited to condoms, abstenience and masturbation. Women are the ones who pay the price if an unintended pregnancy takes place and seem to bear the responsibility for contraception in most cases. It seems to make sense to me that if insurance plans are going to cover erectile dysfunction medications for men they should provide birth control options for women.

It seems to me that a good deal of this goes back to the argument so many fundamentally religious folks have over when does life begin. They want to prevent all abortions so they argue that life begins at conception. It makes you wonder how many of these well intentioned couples are using birth control pills or IUD's for birth control. Neither of those methods prevents the fertilization of an egg, which by definition of these fundamentalists is a life, it prevents implantation in the womb. Are these women serial killers? I think not. While I personally, if I was a woman, do not think I could have an abortion I do support women's right to choose. People make choices every day that I do not agree with, that does not mean I should support legislation that takes away their ability to choose. It is odd to listen to some of the rhetoric being used. Men are voting to require women to have a transvaginal ultrasound test before being allowed to have an abortion. An invasive test inserting an ultrasound probe into a woman's vagina. The same men will then protest the use of a full body scanner at airports as too invasive. Where is common sense?

The issues regarding abortion, contraception and womens work should be discussed and determined by women. They need to have a full voice in our society. They are about 50% of the population and should hold the same percentage of power in the government. It is time that rule by old white men ends. It is clear from looking at the results that we are not doing a very good job. Women need to receive equal pay for equal work and take their place with an equal share of responsibility for our governance.

Molested

Please don't judge too harshly and show some patience. It is tough to admit that you have been the victim of a molester. It is something you spend your life trying to repress and hide from everyone including your spouse and children. It is even worse when that sexual abuse was forced on you by another male family member. Yes, I was molested by a trusted uncle. He befriended me early in life and always appreared for picnics around patriotic national holidays. You know like Memorial Day and Independence Day. He would wear his red, white and blue outfit and is long ZZ Top looking beard. I couldn't see the evil intent in his heart as he hid behind patriotism, God and country. He waited and took his time quietly manipulating me until he saw his opportunity. Now every year he stops by and threatens to expose those years of abuse in an attempt to get me to give in to his sordid demands again. Every year I think I will have the strength to say "NO!" and push him out of my life. Every year I am wrong and wake up the next morning hating myself for what I have allowed him to do to me. Just like a Cub fan I comfort myself with the thought of "wait till next year" but like the Cubs nothing ever changes. I know he is there waiting, pants around his ankles, ready to move in behind me and screw in the ass again. My abuser is Uncle Sam. I have spent the last few days working on my taxes and as usual after paying all year I am going to be sending him some more money. Yes, he nailed me again this year. It isn't so much that I don't want to pay taxes it is the hours that I have to spend figuring out what I owe. My returns involve income from 2 states and from pensions and farm income. I had used a tax service in the past but when I found myself having to explain to them how to complete my forms and then paying them for following my advice I decided I should just go it alone. There are years when I go to the mailbox in June or July and see a letter from the Internal Revenue Service. If you want to see if your ass cheeks will clinch tight enough to break a walnut go to the mailbox and get one of those letters. So far it has always been something like me using the wrong form or sending them too much money. It still scares the hell out of you. I believe in the flat tax more all the time. I know there are issues like poor folks paying more and rich folks paying less but those issues can be resolved if the legislation is written correctly. (I'm dreaming the current Congress can do that!) It would just be nice if I didn't have to spend days sorting through forms and rules and mailing 30 pages of documents to the federal government and two states. We would, of course, have to retrain all those tax professionals at places like H & R Block. I'm sure we could find a job for them counting beans somewhere (ADM?) Anyway if you see my Uncle Sam anywhere around be careful. He will be in the Post Office or some other government building looking all patriotic and pointing saying "I want you!" If you think that is his way of trying to get you to enlist in the armed services you are wrong. You have read this blog and now you know what he really wants. I think Mr. Rogers said it best.

Tax time

I am by nature a PROcrastinator. The PRO is capitalized because I consider myself a professional procrastinator. I assume whoever is supposed to pay me for procrastinating is just slow with the payout. I'm willing to wait. It is April 10th and I started working on my tax returns today. You may think I'm early since there is a week to go. Trust me, it will take most of the week and it will not go in the mail until the last possible moment. I'm not one of those people who rushes to get their taxes done because they are getting a big refund. When I am done I will be sending the government a nice check. I'm sure they will spend it on something important that will improve the lives of my fellow citizens or feed some poor destitute soul or perhaps fund research to find a cure for cancer. A big part of my brain knows that all of those things are probably not how my taxes will be spent. Please let me have my Pollyanna moment. We all need to suspend reality from time to time.

The thing that frustrates me the most isn't what you might think. I don't care about the large number of people who pay no taxes and in fact get a check from the government. I cannot call it a refund because that would indicate they were getting back money they paid in. I hope someday they make enough money to pay taxes and truth be told I'm sure they want that as well. I'm not upset that the ultra-rich pay less in taxes by percentage than many who are in the working middle class. I don't care that some corporations make big profits and pay little or no taxes. What is my objection? I hate the complexity of the tax code. I hate that it takes me hours to complete forms when in reality it could and should take minutes. I have read books and news articles about tax policy and it seems everyone wants the tax code simpler as long as they don't lose their credit, exemption, benefit, rebate or status in the change. We can't all have what we want. It needs to be simpler. It is hard for people to feel good about a set of laws they cannot understand. It could be easier to understand and it would probably be seen as more fair. Then I could be doing something I like instead of trying to figure out what depreciation schedule applies to a tractor.

Make no mistake I do not object to paying taxes, it is the responsibility of a citizen to provide for the common good. If I have the income I will pay the taxes. The best advice I ever got was don't lie the the IRS or your spouse. Words to live by.

This is why I live here

The pictures below are the reason I live out here in what my buddy Mike likes to call BFE.

This fine buck was in our front yard last fall. The hunters were in the back of the property. He didn't get that big being stupid.

These two deer decided to check out the back of the house. The hot tub on the right is off limits to four legged creatures. Sorry Bambi.

This doe was out back on Easter weekend. It got the boys thinking about hunting season this fall.

Every now and then a wild turkey will wander through the yard.

We have plenty of yard so I let Audrey sit on my lap and drive the pickup truck around.

Johnnie wanted a chance to drive too. She was more interested in how the picture was going to turn out than where she was going.

Vannessa getting her shot at the front yard drive.

The large nest in the center of the picture belongs to a large bird of prey who is raising a family in our woods. She is a bit shy so we haven't been able to determine what kind of bird she is. The kids had snake for lunch yesterday.

The blog has suffered a bit because last week was spent planting and watering the 550 trees in this picture. Where are they you ask, well if you want to see them clearly you will have to follow the blog for a few years.

So for all the reasons noted in the pictures above that is why I choose to live out here in BFE. It is those critters and hundreds of others, the opportunity to let the granddaughters do things you can't do in the city and the chance to turn a big chunk of ground into a timber. I will be long dead when it is mature but I will have the satisfaction of having left something behind for others to enjoy.

The Sound of Silence

We are surrounded by noise. Talking heads on TV. Loudmouth Rush Limbaugh on the radio. Car horns honking. Train whistles blowing. The hum of tires on the highway. At work it was the constant slamming of steel doors on steel frames. Nothing tells you that you are in prison like the slamming of those doors. Well that and the constant yelling. Today it was time to work on the back part of our acreage. For most of the day the sounds I heard were the birds singing ( it is spring and it appears everyone in the bird world is looking for a chance to mate) and the wind rustling through the trees. No manmade sounds could be heard. It was absolute bliss. No yelling, no cars, no annoying city background noise. It wasn't the sound of silence but it was the absence of other humans that made it special and quiet. I wish Carol would have been there to share it with me. A time where you could think and reflect on life without the annoyance of mankind. Those of you who live in the city- please accept my heartfelt thanks. I appreciate your willingness to live there and leave me with the blissful silence of a warm spring day.

Retirement

The thing that worried me most about retirement was that I would be bored. Work was always trying to push yourself to go 100 miles an hour all day long. Even at that pace there were days you lost ground. It became more task management than anything else. Can't get it all done so choose what has to be done and put the others on hold. Retirement has become a similiar exercise. There is so much to do it is tough to work everything into the day. Today is a good example. Started the morning by sitting down and paying bills and getting them ready to mail. I know, boring, but had to be done. Then off to the bank, credit union, grocery shopping then back home for lunch. After lunch I spent 4 hours watering the trees we planted last week. Got back in the house for supper at 5:30, ate that, now blogging. When this is done a quick shower and off to Galesburg and a stop at Budde's for a beer or two because it's buck off Monday. A 16 Oz PBR for a buck and a quarter is hard to beat. May watch a little of the national championship basketball game since my wife is from Lexington, KY we will root for the Wildcats. Tomorrow will be just as busy. Retirement- boring? No chance of that here. Don't know how I had time to work a job in the past.