Tybee Fun

   

From the weekly police summary:

“Also on Friday, 12/17, an officer responded to a man passed out on the sidewalk in the 1500 block of Butler Avenue. After waking the man and and getting him to his feet, the officer was able to smell a strong odor similar to that of an alcoholic drink coming from his breath and noticed that he had a hard time maintaining his balance. When asked, the man was unable to provide information as to where he lived or where he was staying on the island. At that time he was placed under arrest and charged with Public Intoxication.

On Saturday, 12/18, another officer responded to the Dune’s Inn in reference to an intoxicated man causing problems at the front desk. Upon his arrival, the officer found the same man from the previous incident attempting to enter a room. During this same time, employees advised the officer that the man was not a guest at their motel. Once again, the man was unable to provide information as to where he lived or where he was staying on the island. At that time. he was placed under arrest and charged with Public Intoxication.

Later that same date, officers responded to Oceanside Rehab in reference to a report of a disorderly person. While speaking with officers, several members of the nursing home staff stated that they had been standing in the parking lot when a man walked out of the darkness while screaming and yelling at them. The staff members then locked themselves in their vehicles, at which time the man began screaming “That’s what I thought!”, while referring to them by derogatory names. The man then attempted to gain entry into the nursing home through the locked doors, before eventually leaving the scene. While checking the area, officers found THE SAME GUY from the previous two incidents and noted that he matched the description of the suspect which had been provided by witnesses. He was subsequently placed under arrest on the felony charge of Hindering Medical Personnel in the Performance of Their Duties.”

Leave Memories When You Go

 All I can say is what a life!

Renay Mandel Corren

El Paso, TX—A plus-sized Jewish lady redneck died in El Paso on Saturday. 

Of itself hardly news, or good news if you're the type that subscribes to the notion that anybody not named you dying in El Paso, Texas is good news. In which case have I got news for you: the bawdy, fertile, redheaded matriarch of a sprawling Jewish-Mexican-Redneck American family has kicked it. This was not good news to Renay Mandel Corren's many surviving children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren, many of whom she even knew and, in her own way, loved. There will be much mourning in the many glamorous locales she went bankrupt in: McKeesport, PA, Renay's birthplace and where she first fell in love with ham, and atheism; Fayetteville and Kill Devil Hills, NC, where Renay's dreams, credit rating and marriage are all buried; and of course Miami, FL, where Renay's parents, uncles, aunts, and eternal hopes of all Miami Dolphins fans everywhere, are all buried pretty deep. Renay was preceded in death by Don Shula.

Because she was my mother, the death of zaftig good-time gal Renay Corren at the impossible old age of 84 is newsworthy to me, and I treat it with the same respect and reverence she had for, well, nothing. A more disrespectful, trash-reading, talking and watching woman in NC, FL or TX was not to be found. Hers was an itinerant, much-lived life, a Yankee Florida liberal Jewish Tough Gal who bowled 'em in Japan, rolled 'em in North Carolina and was a singularly unique parent. Often frustrated by the stifling, conservative culture of the South, Renay turned her voracious mind to the home front, becoming a model stay at home parent, a supermom, really, just the perfect PTA lady, volunteer, amateur baker and-AHHAHAA HA! HA! HA! Just kidding, y'all! Renay - Rosie to her friends, and this was a broad who never met a stranger - worked double shifts with Doreen, ate a ton of carbs with Bernie, and could occasionally be stirred to stew some stuffed cabbage for the kids. She played cards like a shark, bowled and played cribbage like a pro, and laughed with the boys until the wee hours, long after the last pin dropped. At one point in the 1980's, Renay was the 11th or 12th-ranked woman in cribbage in America, and while that could be a lie, it sounds great in print. She also told us she came up with the name for Sunoco, and I choose to believe this, too. Yes, Renay lied a lot. But on the plus side, Renay didn't cook, she didn't clean, and she was lousy with money, too. Here's what Renay was great at: dyeing her red roots, weekly manicures, dirty jokes, pier fishing, rolling joints and buying dirty magazines. She said she read them for the articles, but filthy free speech was really Renay's thing. Hers was a bawdy, rowdy life lived large, broke and loud. We thought Renay could not be killed. God knows, people tried. A lot. Renay has been toying with death for a decades, but always beating it and running off in her silver Chevy Nova. Covid couldn't kill Renay. Neither could pneumonia twice, infections, blood clots, bad feet, breast cancer twice, two mastectomies, two recessions, multiple bankruptcies, marriage to a philandering Sergeant Major, divorce in the 70's, six kids, one cesarean, a few abortions from the Quietly Famous Abortionist of Spring Lake, NC or an affair with Larry King in the 60's. Renay was preceded in death by her ex-boyfriend, Larry King. Renay was also sadly preceded in death by her beloved daughter, Cathy Sue Corren Lester Trammel Webster, of Kill Devil Hills, NC, who herself was preceded in death by two marriages, a fudge shop and one eyeball lost in a near-fatal Pepsi bottle incident that will absolutely be explored in future obituaries. Losing her 1-eyed badass b**** of a daughter in 2007 devastated Renay, but it also made her quite homeless, since Cathy pretty much picked up the tab. A talented and gregarious grifter, Renay M. Corren eked out her final years of luxury (she literally retired at 62) under the care, compassion, checking accounts and, evidently, unlimited patience of her favorite son and daughter-in-law, Michael and Lourdes Corren, of world-famous cow sanctuary El Paso, TX. Renay is also survived by her son Jeffrey Corren and his endlessly tolerant wife Shirley, of Powell's Point, NC; Scott Corren, and what's left of his colon, of Hampton, VA; Marc and Laura Corren, the loveliest dirt farmers of Vernon, TX (seriously, where is that); and her favorite son, the gay one who writes catty obituaries in his spare time, Andy Corren, of - obviously - New York City. Plus two beloved granddogs, Mia and Hudson. Renay was particularly close to and grateful for the lavish attentions of her grandaughter Perla and her great-grandchildren Elijah and Leroy, as well as her constant cruise companions Sam Trammell of Greenville, NC, and Adam Corren of El Paso, TX. Renay took tremendous pride in making 1 gay son and 2 gay grandchildren, Sam Trammell and Adam Corren.

There will be a very disrespectful and totally non-denominational memorial on May 10, 2022, most likely at a bowling alley in Fayetteville, NC. The family requests absolutely zero privacy or propriety, none what so ever, and in fact encourages you to spend some government money today on a 1-armed bandit, at the blackjack table or on a cheap cruise to find our inheritance. She spent it all, folks. She left me nothing but these lousy memories. Which I, and my family of 5 brothers and my sister-in-laws, nephews, friends, nieces, neighbors, ex-boyfriends, Larry King's children, who I guess I might be one of, the total strangers who all, to a person, loved and will cherish her. Forever. Please think of the brightly-frocked, frivolous, funny and smart Jewish redhead who is about to grift you, tell you a filthy joke, and for Larry King's sake: LAUGH. Bye, Mommy. We loved you to bits.

We Are Losing

 From the Washington Post by Ron Charles:

“In the heated competition between Texas and Florida to see which state government can shed IQ points faster, the Sunshine State has pulled ahead. Aspiring Fox News personality Ron DeSantis, who moonlights as Florida’s governor, has proposed the Stop W.O.K.E. Act. Invoking the memory of Martin Luther King, Jr., DeSantis explained that the act will allow Floridians to take “a stand against critical race theory in our schools” (story). The fact that critical race theory has never been part of Florida's curriculum is irrelevant to the GOP’s Theater of Horrors. 

Aping the structure of the new Texas anti-abortion law, DeSantis’s proposal would give parents a “private right of action” to sue any teacher they think is promoting critical race theory — whatever that might be. Talking to supporters on Wednesday, DeSantis was candid about hoping to create a climate of “fear” in which teachers censor themselves. His army of thought police snuffing out free expression with nuisance lawsuits is part of the governor’s plan to defeat “cultural Marxism.” And irony.”

Is this what we are going to turn our once proud society into over the next few years? We pass laws allowing our fellow citizens to sue us for providing abortion services, teaching accurate history or providing comfort to someone standing in line for hours waiting to vote. California is looking at taking a page out of the Texas playbook and allowing citizens to go after each other over gun rights. It looks like we won’t have to worry about government stripping us of our constitutional rights. They will just stand back and let us do it to each other. I’m beginning to believe I don’t understand how schools are intended to work. It was always my belief that they taught you facts and challenged you to consider them and think independently. I majored in history in college. I don’t see anything wrong with teaching about Columbus and his interactions with the indigenous peoples of the Americas. He was an explorer and a cruel man. Thomas Jefferson wrote the Declaration of Independence in cooperation with others. While he wrote all men are created equal he owned slaves and felt women were not qualified to vote. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves and wanted them returned to Africa. Our founders and past presidents were not perfect. They were human. They had flaws. They made mistakes. We as a nation have made mistakes. If we don’t honestly look at them and teach about them we cannot learn any lessons from them. It is time to stop yelling at each other. Talk. Find common ground. Compromise. 

Consider These

 

Rust Bucket

 I wrote a little while ago about the Navy’s Zumwalt class destroyers and their cost. I thought the news on these floating turds couldn’t get any worse. I was wrong. The lead ship of the class costing over 9 billion dollars looks like this. 

Yes, that’s rust. That ship was commissioned five years ago. So that’s how it would look representing the United States pulling into a foreign port. I doubt any adversary would be impressed or frightened. According to the Navy there is no chance it will be leaving to sail the world any time soon. Here is the Navy’s latest statement. 

“As of September 2020, the Navy plans to request $169 million to install its four new systems on at least one or more DDG 1000 ships and would need to request further funding to complete the remaining ships’ systems. Though the Navy plans to fully mature these technologies by ship integration, the integration will not occur until several years after the Navy plans to achieve initial operational capability in December 2021. As a result, the DDG 1000 class ships will remain incomplete and incapable of performing their planned mission until at least 2025.” 

So now we know where a tiny portion of the 768 billion dollar defense budget is going. Once again I wonder why we spend so much time worrying about the cost of government programs that benefit our fellow citizens and so little about the bloated costs of our defense expenses. 

Powerless

 It happens every day. Some days shortly after 7:00 in the morning. It occasionally lasts until sometime around 8:00 in the evening. It doesn’t matter what I say or don’t say. It doesn’t matter if I answer or ignore. I know as sure as the sun will rise again tomorrow morning it will happen again tomorrow. Someone will call telling me that my extended warranty is about to expire. If it isn’t that call it is this one. Someone claiming to be from a medical provider wants to know if I have received my package from Medicare. It has the brace I must need for the pain in my knees and back. Sadly for them I have no knee or back pain so I do not want the items they insist I must need. They feign surprise at the notion that someone of my advanced age is not in pain and need of their medical devices. It doesn’t matter how many times I say no. It doesn’t matter how often I ask them to stop calling me. Nothing I say or do matters. Block the calls? They come from different numbers and cities evert time. Moline, Peoria, Fairview, Carlock, Rock Island, Baylis, Cantrall, Stanford, Farmington, Blandinsville all in Illinois. You can add on Lanai City, Hawaii; Logansport, Indiana; Phoenix, Arizona; Sharon Grove, Kentucky to the list of calls. I do my best to be patient and polite. After all it is just some guy or gal sitting in a call center somewhere on the planet trying to provide for his or her family. Being rude, cursing at them and a few other things that have crossed my mind will not stop the calls. So sometime again this morning my phone will ring. It will be my third call today. No Nigerian prince calling about my inheritance or lottery winnings. No one from Social Security or the IRS claiming fraudulent activity and demanding repayment with gift cards. No one claiming my computer has been hacked and wanting me to give them remote access to remove the virus. No one from Amazon claiming a new iPhone has been charged to my account. Just car warranty and medical device calls. Is this what old age and retirement have become? I do feel those calls have one vitally important purpose. When I get to hell (I am going there) it won’t seem so bad. Fire and brimstone? Who gives a shit? At least the damn phone isn’t ringing. 

Debt Ceiling

 Republicans or Democrats? It doesn’t seem to matter. Both political parties spend money. Lots of money. So much more money than the government collects in taxes. So what do we do? We borrow money to pay for the goods and services the government provides. Congress sets a limit on how far in debt we as a nation can go. So, like now, the two political parties are fighting about raising the debt limit so the debt both parties created can be paid and funds to allow the government to continue to provide services are available. Over the past few decades the debt ceiling has been used by both political parties to attempt to score points with voters as a campaign tool. The entire process is stupid. The process could be solved with one vote. Just eliminate the debt ceiling. If you authorize the money to be spent then you also have authorized any debt that spending creates to be paid. Seriously? How fucking hard is that? 

Since I decided to talk about government spending let’s talk about some other government bullshit. The United States Senate has been debating and bargaining over the social program spending President Biden wants. No Republicans support the plan. Why make peoples lives better? Why would they want to make sure the children they want born by banning abortion are fed, housed, clothed and educated? So a couple of Democratic Senators are holding the bill hostage because the drug and oil companies donate lots of money to their campaigns. The fact that the majority of taxpayers want this along with gun control doesn’t matter. So they sit and fuss and fret and argue about a couple trillion dollars spent over a ten year period. What just races through with very little debate? The current defense authorization bill of 768 billion dollars for one year. So we build tanks and jets and ships. Cannons, guns, rockets, atomic bombs and all kinds of other stuff to kill people. Not much debate. Keep folks alive- how will you pay for that? Maybe we could get rid of some command staff in the armed forces. We currently have 1.3 million troops in uniform and 653 Generals. During World War 2 we had over 16 million troops in uniform and 1,100 Generals. If we kept the same ratio of Generals to total troop numbers we should have about 90 Generals. 

So I say fuck both parties. Neither party deserves our vote or to stay in power. They are for the most part more concerned with staying in power and satisfying their donors than they are in governing for the collective good of the citizens who elect them. So FUCK ‘EM!!!!!!