Retirement

I am retired after working over 30 years with juvenile delinquents and adult male felons. Do I miss it? There are days especially during the winter when daytime television takes a toll on my intellectual abilities. Really, The View, The Talk, The Chew, Ellen, Dr. Phil, Judge Judy make me want to look for a gun. There were days at work where I had 10 people reporting to me most of them college educated and I wondered how they found their way to work. Then there would be weeks where their work performance was amazing. There were days with a hundred things happening at once and I could not have moved faster if my hair was on fire. Do I miss those days? Truthfully those are the ones I miss the most. You get addicted to the adrenaline rush. The end of the day shows up and it feels like you got to work five minutes ago. I will always miss that feeling. The only other thing I miss about work is the sound of the doors closing. There is nothing like the sound of a steel door slamming into a steel frame.
Why all the reminiscing? Yesterday it was 55 degrees here and the sun was shining. It was one of those days you are not allowed to have in Illinois in January. Today it is 18 degrees and it has snowed about 4 inches and the wind is blowing 25+ miles per hour. It is our first real snow and cold this winter. There are people who have been complaining because it hasn't been wintery yet. Where's the snow? Why hasn't it gotten cold yet? Where is winter? I hope you assholes are happy. Winter is here. All I can say to you and winter is FUCK YOU! I look out the window at the snow blowing and drifting and think that maybe Judge Judy and friends aren't so bad. I'm not in Florida, Mike, but I don't have to go out. Retirement is AWESOME!

Paper

Paper! Weren't computers going to make us a paperless society.  We would trade electrons and bits and bytes rather than scraps of trees. We stopped at the mailbox today and picked up all our "junk mail" and marveled at the shit we got. Open a magazine and the subscription renewal cards just start to rain out. Seems like you can't go more than four or five pages before you are dealing with another card asking you to subscribe or renew your subscription. Ok TV has given us short attention spans but damn 10 of those cards in a 60 page magazine. Sure hope they were paid by the piece for inserting them in the pages. The magazine is done and now it is time for  the daily credit card offers. Today was apparently super jackpot day as PNC, Citibank and Bank of America blessed us with offers.  The best offers are the ones that say "you are preapproved to apply".  What the fuck does that mean? Are some people sent offers and they are predenied?  Preapproved to apply means absolutely nothing. I do appreciate the postage paid envelopes they include in their offers as today they provide an outlet for my frustration. All the subscription cards from the magazines are going to be placed in the credit card company postage paid envelopes and sent to those fine folks. Someone there must quilt and may want to get a subscription to Quilt magazine or Quilters Newsletter.  Citibank, PNC and Bank of America- thank you for the postage and you are welcome to my excess paper.

Recovery

I miss George /Carlin. He always had a way of stating the obvious things in life that never seem to occur to the rest of us.

I went to the Doctor today. It would be better to call Dr. Schierer a miracle worker. The miracle isn't done yet but the recovery is well under way. On June 20, 2011 I decided that it was too wet for Nate and I to do our normal lumber jacking work.  Carol had wanted me to build a couple of racks for the many bottles of wine we were storing in the basement.  I went down to the neighbors and retrieved my ladder. It was still sprinkling a bit but I thought it was no big deal because I was going to be in the garage working. I brought the ladder in and set it up to get the wood I needed down from the attic space. I could reach what I needed from the ladder so I did not go up in the attic space. After dropping several pieces of wood down on the garage floor I felt the ladder slip just a touch. It was probably less that one inch. That little slip caused me to flinch and when I did the bottom of the ladder began to slip out and I sped toward the floor. I remember thinking on the way down that it was no big deal I had fallen about the same distance a few weeks before without serious consequences. The landing on the floor was solid and I initially thought it wasn't too bad. I went to get up off the floor and realized that I could not move my left arm. I went into the house and told Carol that I needed to go to the hospital.  The emergency room doctor determined that I had dislocated my shoulder and said he would try to put it back in place. He said try because I am a big fella and he was not. After getting plenty of drugs in me he made a couple of  unsuccessful attempts to put my shoulder back together. At that point Dr. Schierer was called in and later in the afternoon they put me under and got my shoulder back in place. A week later I started physical therapy with Megan who is affectionately known as the mangler. It takes a special person to be a physical therapist. You must be willing to hurt people to make them better. Megan and I worked together for 2 months and my condition got worse. Dr. Schierer ordered an MRI. The results indicated that I had torn my rotator cuff. Surgery was scheduled and took place on August 30,2011. After 10 days the staples came out and it was time to go back and see Megan the Mangler. When I began therapy in early July I thought Megan had hurt me about as badly as possible. September would show how wrong I was. She would ask how much pain I could take and my only response was: "When I piss myself  you have gone too far."  She never quite got there but it was close a few times. I had my last session with her on Friday.  Today Dr. Schierer told me to do the remainder of my therapy at home and he would only schedule more if I stopped making progress. My shoulder isn't 100% yet but I did not expect that yet. Dr. Schierer advised me today that I should expect full recovery to take about a year. I am willing to live with that because without the expertise of Megan and Dr.Schierer I would have a useless left arm.  I will forever be grateful to both of them.

Things have changed a bit here. Carol won't let me get on any ladders. I am not anxious to do so anyway. The next time I do climb one there will be a spotter at the bottom.

So Mr. Carlin I know how the below average feel. Climbing a ladder and getting a few pieces of lumber seemed like such a simple task. I couldn't manage to get it done. I am reminded every time someone asks about my arm and I have to say I fell off a ladder. It is not a skill you want on your resume.

Conservative?

I look at the political primary process today and I am reminded of Richard Nixon's comments about the "silent majority". Our current political process shows how the silent majority has abdicated their responsibility to participate in the election process. I ranted the other day about what a poor group of candidates the Republican party was putting forward for this election. When you really consider why they are such pieces of shit you can look at the following. About 20% of the population is conservative and about 20% of the population is liberal in their respective political beliefs. In my mind that leaves about 59% of the population in the middle (Nixon's silent majority) and 1% who are just fucking crazy in their political beliefs. If you want to be the Republican nominee for any office you must tailor your message to this 20% who are the most conservative and therefore the most likely to vote in the primary. On primary day the silent majority does not want to declare a political party so they generally stay home. While they look at who is running and say I wouldn't vote for any of those assholes. The same thing happens on the liberal side. When the general election rolls around the silent majority holds its collective nose and chooses the lesser of two evils. They seem not to realize that the lesser of two evils is still evil. The result of moderates failing to participate in the primary voting process is there are no moderate candidates to vote for in the general election. Those elected are from the extremes of their respective parties. It makes compromise difficult if not impossible.

I offer you the following quote.
"Mark my words,if and when these preachers get control of the [Republican] party, and they're sure trying to do so, it's going to be a terrible damn problem. Frankly, these people frighten me. Politics and governing demand compromise. But these Christians believe they are acting in the name of God, so they can't and won't compromise. I know, I've tried to deal with them."
Barry Goldwater

They didn't come much more conservative than Barry but he was willing to compromise and do what was right for the country. Christian conservatives are now the strongest voting block in the Republican party. They cannot compromise because they are voting based on their beliefs. They are obsessed with the unborn. Abortion for any reason is wrong but if you get born you shouldn't need food stamps or welfare or preschool programs. Those things contribute to the deficit. If you grow up to be a bad criminal we believe in the death penalty. There are limits to their view that life is sacred.
So don't look for the upcoming election to change anything. Gridlock will continue no matter who wins the White House.

I got nothing

I got nothing today. I lay in bed at night trying to go to sleep. There will be a hundred ideas flying around in my head. I think one of them will make a great blog and I concentrate on remembering it for the next morning. I wake up and it is gone. Driving in the car, great idea for blog. Get where I am going and go to joy a quick note so I remember later. SHIT! FUCK! DAMN! It's gone again. Where do those ideas go? Why can't I remember any of them? I pick up my iPad and go to blog and my head is empty. I feel like the window licking kid on the short bus headed for that special class at school. Unqualified for any job that requires anything to be remembered. I am not even qualified for what I think is the worst job in the world. I could not be a WalMart greeter. They must say it a hundreds of times a day. "Welcome to WalMart". They seem so sincere and happy to say it. I might be able to remember the words but I could not feign the sincerity or happiness for more than a couple of minutes. Wouldn't a normal human being have to say something like: "Did you look in the mirror before you left home? Has anyone ever told you that was a good look for you? Wow, that is one ugly fucking kid! Did you have sex with a farm animal?" I think at that point I am a former WalMart greeter. So today I blog but I got nothing. Maybe I need to start writing stuff down. Start carrying a little tape recorder.

The end of the world

I have followed with some interest the political theater that is the Iowa caucuses. It appears to me (as a lifelong republican) that Iowa republicans want someone other than Mitt Romney. They kept finding others to lead the pack like Michelle Bachmann, Rick Perry, Herman Cain, Ron Paul, Newt Gingrich and Rick Santorum. it appears that they held their noses last night and took a big bite of the Romney shit sandwich they were offered. I look at this field of candidates and wonder. Is this the best America has to offer? I was asked by one of my brother in laws what I thought of the Republican candidates. He did not seem to enjoy my views on each of them.

Mitt Romney- it seems like he has been running for president for the last 6 years. He seems too willing to stick his finger in the air to see which way the wind is blowing and then take whatever position he thinks the public wants to hear. He was pro choice now he is pro life. He wanted to mandate health insurance coverage now he doesn't. I watched Reverand Al Sharpton on TV the other day and he kept referring to Mr. Romney by his real first name Willard. Go by your birth name Willard.

Newt Gingrich- ethics violations while he was in Congress. He cheated on both of his ex-wives. Sorry folks it is a question of character for me. You stand in front of God and your friends and swear to love this person for the rest of your life forsaking ALL others. If you will lie to your wife, your God and your friends why should I think you will be honest with me.

Michelle Bachmann- the bitch is nuts. Don't go all, he's being sexist on me. If she was a dude she would be a crazy bastard. Being gay is not a choice. If you are straight then tell me when you decided that. Gay people don't need to be fixed they need to be accepted. I would think the anti abortion folks would love gays. What group is less likely to get an abortion?

Ron Paul- crazy little fucker. He doesn't care if Iran has a nuclear weapon. Let's go back on the gold standard. Legalize drugs, well maybe he's on to something there.

Rick Perry- reminds me of George W. Bush only not quite as smart. We don't need another retarded president.

Rick Santorum- well if you haven't yet just google Santorum. I rest my case.

If these are my choices on primary day I think I will just stay home.

Ranting like a lunatic

I wondered when I was younger why old people seemed to be pissed off most of the time. I'm old now and I think I know.
Why do stupid people talk really loud and talk about things we don't want to know? We were at a hospital in Lexington, Kentucky over the weekend because one of my brother in laws is in critical condition. There was a young redneck female in the waiting room. I say young because one of the many things I learned about her was that she is 26 years old and pregnant with her third child. Her husband or significant other is "a Mexican from Mexico". I was momentarily confused as I tried to figure out where else a Mexican could be from. I also learned that they are not all short and dark, that some have blue eyes or green eyes and have light skin. She must have repeated that at least 15 times in an hour. She was also quick to let us know that she didn't have her first baby until she was 20 years old. Her family standard is apparently 15 or 16 according to her so she is the virtuous one in her sibling group. After about two minutes of her nonsensical squeaking all I wanted her to do was SHUT THE FUCK UP!
Why do old people insist on driving. When you can't turn the steering wheel and can't see where you are going it is time to stop driving. If you live in southern Indiana and it snows at all you should be required by law to stay home. If you shuffle to your car using your walker and have to use your arms to lift your legs into the car you should be in the passenger seat.
So why are old people angry? First, because young people are loud and stupid. Second, body parts that used to be dependable aren't any longer and sometimes require Depends. Finally, because driving used to be easy and they know they suck at it now but their need for independence will not allow them to give it up. So tonight I will go out and stare at the sky hoping for that giant asteroid that will send us the way of the dinosaurs.