I don't understand

I don't know how this will turn out or if it will adequately express the hundreds of things buzzing around in my head. Twenty children are dead as the result of one man's actions. Twenty. First graders. Many classrooms don't have that many children in them. Everyone wonders why. How? What could happen that would cause someone, anyone, to do something that before Friday most of us could not imagine happening. I spent my career talking to people that most never have the time, opportunity or desire to speak with. Murderers, drug dealers, theives, rapists, child molesters, I have spoken to every kind of criminal you can imagine. I can honestly say with a very few exceptions, and by very few I mean numbered on one hand, people I talked to that I believe were truly evil. One is serving life in prison for the rape, murder and dismemberment of 8 women in the northern Illinois area. Most of the men I talked to over the years had a moral compass that didn't point in the same direction as the majority of people. Theft, if you had it and they needed it, well it was fair game if you weren't careful. Murder, if you shamed them or belittled them then you risked their wrath. Did they take revenge farther than you or I would? Sure. Did that make them evil? Not in my mind. They still had a sense of right and wrong. It wasn't the same as yours or mine, but they had a line they wouldn't cross. Their morality was situational but they had a moral code of sorts. Child molesters would tell you they couldn't understand how one person could kill another. Murderers could never understand how an adult could have sexual pleasure with a child. Each thought the other was completely immoral. Both were at least partially correct. Were they evil? Maybe to some, but I could never see them that way. Could they be redeemed somehow? My mind wondered but my heart always felt they could. Pay your debt to society and go forth and sin no more. Not that man is inherently good. There is the capacity for good in all of us. Yes, and the capacity for great evil. What punishment is great enough for someone who murders twenty children? There is none that man can assess. I am not a believer. I don't blame god for what happened, and don't hate him for failing to prevent it. We have free will. We are responsible for the choices we make. It is tempting to believe in hell at this point. Maybe god could make him suffer enough for his actions. He is beyond our reach now so that is the only way it can happen. Since retribution is not an option and really never was I offer the following. Maybe The Beatles had it right. "All you need is love". Hate and fear will never overcome evil. It will ultimately be defeated by kindness and love. So if you want to honor the memory of the victims do a kind deed. A random act of kindness to someone you don't know. A stranger at the store, a passer by on the sidewalk.  I will never speak of the man who committed these murders. He wanted to be remembered and be famous. I will not participate in what he wants. He is dead and forgotten. When I do something kind and loving as a result of this outrage it will be in loving memory of the victims. Twenty children and six adults who did not deserve the fate they were dealt. I choose to remember them, to honor them, to do what I can to make the world a better place. Can I change the world? No. Can I change a little piece of it for a moment? Yes. When all the pieces are put together the puzzle is complete and the world is different.