January

Well another month is almost past and like years as they pass it is good to look back and see what happened. It would be good to be able to say it has been a month of tremendous accomplishments. It has not. But it really would have been nice to be able to state that honestly. I have spent some time scanning my Grandmother's journals from about 1920 to about 1935 . I seem to lack some motivation to continue at this point. Over the last weekend I decided to do some finish work in the master bathroom. I never claimed to be a carpenter. I have three nail guns and can make rough work that is at best average. I decided that I would save some money and do some finish work. After all we have only lived here eight years. How hard can it be to cut some quarter round pine and fit it up a wall and along a shelf. It is simple geometry. Two 45 degree angles meet to make a 90 degree corner. If one piece is coming along parallel to the floor and the other piece is perpendicular to the floor it is still two 45's make a 90. How hard could that be? Well, for Jeff, impossible. I stopped counting incorrect cuts at 10. There were several more attempts after that resulted in additional failures. How many ways are there to cut that that do not join together? I don't know! Several of the failures were a result of me attempting three dimensional thought in my head. When those thoughts were transferred to the wood in the real three dimensional world it resulted in some actual three dimensional scrap. Kindling for the fireplace. It is like those thoughts you have in your youth about a beautiful woman and what sex would be like before you have actually had any. You realize when sex actually happens that you had no idea what you were doing and your thoughts were not matched by reality. Gee, comparing finish carpentry to sex, didn't see this blog entry going there. Maybe I should have just saved some typing on my part and some reading on yours by saying, " I fucked up a lot of good wood." You can apply that to my youth if you wish. So maybe finish carpenters are like hookers. If you want your wood to be finished in a professional manner then hire a professional. As for me I think I will just do the best I can with the abilities I have. If you butt two pieces of wood together at a 90 degree angle you still get a square corner. It may not be the work of a master carpenter but it will have to do. It is like Dirty Harry said: "A man's got to know his limitations." It is January's lesson to me. That and what the fuck, it's done and it looks better than it did when I started. DILLIGAF!

New Year's Resolutions

Every year we try to do it. You know, make those resolutions to do something different. Something better. Be a better person, a better husband or wife, a kinder human. THIS YEAR WILL BE DIFFERENT! Once again the new year has rolled around and we are older, fatter and in worse shape than we were a year ago. A year that started out with so much promise. You know, that resolution to walk more, attend Weight Watchers, in general get healthier. Save some money up and be more disciplined with your money. The reality of this new year? Those pants must have shrunk from being washed too often in hot water. We have all heard about the increased carbon footprint of humanity. The every growing amount of carbon dioxide in the air is causing our shortness of breath. So the failure to keep any of those past resolutions is not my fault. The stark reality is that 45% of Americans make New Year's resolutions and 8% actually achieve their goals. A full 24% of people make resolutions every year yet continue to fail at them. These are the optimists. Please feel free to mock them. It would seem the more successful trend would be to join the 38% of Americans who make no resolutions and are 100% successful in achieving the goals the fail to set.

My advice: "Spare yourself the indignity of setting unrealistic goals that you lack the discipline and talent to achieve and instead resolve to eat more, move less, and expect the worst in all people and circumstances. You won't be disappointed."

The enemy of optimism is reality. Hold on to that dream that our government will pass a new law or create a new social program that will make it all better. They have such an excellent track record. It is said that god must love poor stupid people because he made so many of them. They will always be with us. When you think the world is getting better and there is hope I invite you to visit a little place I call WalMart. Please don't buy anything there, that is a trap. They lure you with allegedly lower prices then screw you when they run all the viable competition out of town. Just go a wander around. Check out the other folks who frequent there with the carts full of goods. Then come back and tell me about hope and resolutions. How things are going to get better. Please, before you go, give all your guns to a trusted friend. You may want to stick one in your mouth and pull the trigger.

So dear reader with that I say: "Happy FUCKING new year!!!!!"