Butterfly Crack

Sometimes you see things that make you wonder about product naming and modern advertising. Being old results in things like being mailed things from AARP trying to sign you up for membership in their over 50 organization. When you finally give in then every month you get their magazine. It is full of information that some in the over 50 crowd find very informative. Most of it seems to be useless if you have half your mental capacity left. The advertisements can at times be a frightening view into what it means to get older. When you think about butterflies this is most likely the kind of image that your mind congers up.

 They are stunning and beautiful. A miracle of nature.

This is the butterfly advertised in the AARP magazine.

It is the Butterfly Body Liner. It is "Discreet protection for accidental bowel leakage." Here is a picture of the actual product.

You may wonder how this beauty functions. They indicate it is a new product and positioning it just right takes some practice. That is reassuring news. Here are their instructions.
Step 1
Peel the paper backing off and fold the Butterfly in half with the adhesive on the outside of the fold.

Hold the Butterfly so that, when in position, the long wings are facing upward towards your back for easy removal.

Step 2
Reach around (or reach between your legs) and use your finger to guide the center of the Butterfly to your rectum. Press adhesive to secure Butterfly to your skin.

For maximum comfort, it's important for the center of the Butterfly to be touching your rectum, and the adhesive gently adhered to your skin. When Butterfly is placed properly, most women tell us they forget they're even wearing one.

Here are a few thoughts. You have told me to jam this product into my ass crack and I'm somehow going to forget it is in there. Have you advertising people lost your minds? My underwear starts creeping in there and I'm trying to find some way to discreetly pull them out. Given a moment of privacy I will be digging them out of there as if there was a gold mine back there. Again at the advertising folks. Did you have to go and ruin butterflies for me? I'm not sure about the rest of you but somewhere in the back of my warped mind every time I see a butterfly in the future as passing thought of ass crack will be present. Couldn't you have called it the fly? It would seem flies would be drawn more to that area than butterflies. Flies have wings. The concept still works. How about crabs? Give the damn thing a few legs with adhesive on them and stick the crab body up there. You hear about people getting crabs so you know they work that area too. But, no. You had to ruin butterflies for us. Beautiful, gentle, winged creatures who glide on gossamer wings from flower to flower. Well, thanks. Tell you what, take your damn butterflies and shove them up your ass.