Who Killed It?

What is "it"? The it I'm referring to is empathy. When did the situation of our fellow human beings stop being a concern for too many of us? How did it become an us versus them world? I suppose part of getting older is looking back on a past that perhaps never existed in reality. As an older man I look back with fondness on how I think the world used to be. Were we kinder back then? Is the stark and shameful truth something different?

My first thought is that the world has gotten more cruel. Why? How? In my youth if you wanted to call someone out about their conduct, their alleged character flaws, or anything else it was done in person. You had to look them in the eye and say what you thought they needed to hear. You would get feedback in their body language. If you went to far maybe that body language included a well placed punch where those words exited your body. You could see the harm your words were doing. The pain they caused. The anger, tears, frustration were apparent. Now it is different. We communicate on line. We go to Facebook and someone states an opinion we don't see as valid or accurate. We, in many cases, don't know who they are or where they are from. So, emboldened by the fact they are most likely in some distant location, we determine there is no risk to being an asshole. We call them names. We question their intelligence. We make reference to the legitimacy of their birth. We suggest things they should do to themselves with their sex organs. That they should learn to read, or think or that they are just too stupid to live. It may be the only time we ever interact with that person. What do we care if it hurts their feelings? They mean nothing to us. They are just a name or a avatar on a computer screen.

What does that have to do with anything? It seems to me that since it has become so easy to do in the virtual world of our computers it has bled over into our everyday lives. It is and always has been my belief that the world around me is not real to anyone but me. No one else has my experiences. Has my eyes. Has my brain. Hears sounds with my ears. Perception is reality. So your perception is going to be different from mine and therefore your reality is different than the one I experience. When we determine cruelty is acceptable in the virtual world of Facebook or Snapchat or any of a hundred other social media programs it will bleed over into our lives outside those programs. Thoughts become actions, actions become a pattern or conduct, then a habit. We don't realize that slowly over a period of months or years we have killed empathy. I can only see your point of view if you agree with me. Anything that clashes with my reality must be wrong. Since I have lost empathy in the virtual world I cannot summon it in the real world.

What can we do? Maybe it is time to leave social media on the scrapheap of history. Since we are unlikely to do so perhaps this is a better answer. Before you post something snarky or cruel ask yourself a question or two. First question. Would I say this if this person were standing in front of me right now? Second question. How would I feel if they said to me what I am about to say to them? The answer is to bring empathy back to life. Perhaps I'm a dreamer. I want to perceive the world has a kinder and more gentle place. Manners and courtesy. Are they too much to ask for?