Various Bullshit

Carol and I went shopping for Mother's Day gifts today. We had determined we were going to stay on Tybee Island and get everything. Alas it was not to be. We couldn't find any greeting cards and it forced us into a trip to WalMart. You know from my prior rants that I HATE WalMart. I found more reasons to hate them today. We went inside. Well that is one reason to hate them. I got a cart from the rack. Why are WalMart shopping carts such pieces of shit? If you can get them apart then there is something else wrong. Normally getting them apart is like trying to separate two dogs locked up in a moment of orgasmic bliss. No garden hose is available at WalMart and I doubt it would help  get their misshapen carts apart. The one I chose finally came loose from its mate and I knew immediately why they were locked together. The one I got had a flat spot on the front wheel. As you push your cart along there is a constant thunk, thunk, thunk. No sneaking through the store. I told Carol that there has to be some guy in the back storeroom with a grinder and a big hammer. When new carts come it he flattens one of the wheels and beats the cart with a hammer. While the poor maybe WalMart's customer base the homeless are never seen pushing their meager belongings in one of their carts. In contrast we went to Whole Foods on Sunday to pick up a few items. The carts were all nice with round wheel. They were CLEAN! The final difference was one I noted to Carol at the time. The carts were all in the designated corrals waiting for staff to return them to the store. No carts just scattered about the parking lot waiting for a game of demo derby. So WalMart- FUCK YOU, AND YOUR SHITTY CARTS TOO.

 Mike, this one's for you.

 It seems to me that this would only be true in two cases. First, if you only have one hand. Second, if you masturbate with both hands. I frankly don't know why it would matter anyway. According to Christians God is with us all the time. Hears every word we say, sees everything we do. Do you really need to hold his hand since he is already watching? Seems like He has a problem with voyeurism.

 Sometimes I have all three moods at one time.

 That is just true.

 I think this is  the greatest firefighter name ever. What other job could he have possibly gotten. It was like his parents chose this job for him when he was named. If you wonder if this is made up he works for the fire department in Sun Prairie, Wisconsin. They have an internet site listing all city employees. Check if you want. On a side note Sun Prairie is a great place with a midsummer sweet corn festival that is fun. We saw the best parade there several years ago. Every car or float that went by was throwing out candy for the kids. If you were a kid and you didn't get a grocery bag full of candy you weren't trying. I think most of the kids around us gathered up enough to last until Halloween.

 My mom rarely drinks but if she did I would be the reason.

 Did you ever wonder why toast? How about a birthmark? Maybe an outline on a piece of fruit.

 I really shouldn't add to this and in a rare moment of sanity I won't.

Aren't there more important issues that demand our attention than a movie? Come on you right wingers how about Benghazi?