Junk Email

I check my junk email from time to time just to see if anything important got routed to the wrong mailbox. After checking today I don't think so but I will share with my dear readers to see if anyone thinks I may have missed an important opportunity.

Brittany starts with the header: "Wanna hang out?" She offers a link I can click on to see her "sexy profile". She says: "I joined so I could cheat on my boyfriend." She wants to know what I think. Well Brittany, I think not. You sound like a disease ridden skank. Next.

BBW Desire Agent starts with a header: "Please do not tell anyone". Well, please keep this to yourselves. She also provides a link to someone she alleges wants to sleep with me. I should only visit the link if I can keep a secret. Since I told all of you I guess I don't qualify. I think if I clicked the link at least my computer would get infected. The email closes with "Have fun!"

EasySex Ad-Partner opens with the header: "Sexy video profile". It says: "Check out this sexy video profile of a woman that wants to meet a man to date and sleep with!" I think not.

LLive Nuudee Showss wants me to "WatchhGirlsStriipNaaked" Someone needs to work on their spelling.

E3mma starts with a header: "i c we r close...hang". The body of the message is a real keeper. "A group of girls that live in your area have been desperately searching guys that they can have sex with. They had no luck looking on their own so they joined this dating site. Ever since they joined they have been sleeping with a bunch of guys but they need some new members to join. That is where you come in. If you follow the link below you will be able to have sex with all of these girls whenever you want." Really? Any time I want? How about never? Is that a good time for them?

Instant Orgasms starts with the header: "She wants an orgasm". The body of the email is just a red lettered sentence stating: "She wants an instant orgasm." All I need to do is click the link. UMMMM- NO.

Ryaan emailed with the following header: "I want to buuy yuur timeeshare". The are a few problems here Ryaan. First yuuu kan't spel worth a shiiit. Second you dimwit I don't have a timeeshare or a timeshare for you to buy. So Fuuuuck OOOFFF.

EasySex AdPartner had this header: "Check out these sexy profiles". It goes on to say: "Sexually active women that live near you are posting naked pictures dating profiles of themselves. Check out all of the sexy profiles of single women in your area that you can meet in person!" Again click this link. They close with: "Warning: If you join this dating community you will be contacted by hundreds of women within a couple of weeks." This is a problem for me. First I would need to hire a clerical person to screen my calls. Hundreds, I don't have time for that in two weeks. I'm old and frail. Oh, and not at all interested.

I will confess to being a bit disappointed. No lottery winnings waiting for my bank account information. No inheritance from a Nigerian prince. No business partner wanting to throw millions of dollars at me for a once in a lifetime opportunity. Just Ryaan wanting to buy a timeeshare I don't have and hundreds of women wanting to meet me and sleep with me. I must confess I have never been this popular with the ladies in the past.