Mickey Mouse

I will be honest and admit up front that I HATE Mickey Mouse. I do not dislike Mickey Mouse. I hate him. My daughter in law Mandie, LOVES the little bastard. I call him a bastard because to the best of my knowledge Walt Disney never married Mickey's mom. We will explore Walt's possible dabbling in beastality in another post. Today I cast my net over the mouse. We are leaving for Port Canaveral, Florida on Friday morning. On Sunday morning we (Mrs. Sutor and I, her Mom, John, Mandie and their three girls and Mandie's mom) will board the Disney Dream cruise ship. At that point Mickey fucking Mouse will attach himself to my billfold like a leech. He will endeavor to suck everything green out of it. The granddaughters will want things and I will find myself incapable of using the word "no". Five days later devoid of all cash, credit cards maxes out, wearing a "goofy" smile and a pair of mouse ears Mickey will tell me to get off his boat until I have more money. The beauty of Disney and that bastard mouse is that they provide such excellent customer service you can forget you are being screwed. "Golly, Mr. Sutor, would you like another $10 drink of the day?" I will hoping the drink will ease the pain of my Disney gang rape. Here they come lined up for cash, Goofy, Pluto, Buzz Lightyear, Cinderella, Jasmine, Alladin, Snow White, all 7 dwarfs, and the honest one- Woody. You know when you see a woody headed your way you are getting it between the ass cheeks. Don't waste your breath asking for lube or that they be gentle. The Mouse and his gang are going to give it to you hard, fast and often. If you hear that someone threw Mickey Mouse overboard you will know it was me. Rats flee a sinking ship, a mouse owns a cruise ship line, 4 theme parks, movie studios and a television empire. Not bad for the bastard son of Walt. Anyone know where I can find a giant mouse trap? Glue board? Deacon bait box- extra large.

Why does anyone care?

We get up every morning and drink several cups of coffee while we watch the morning news. We have been fans of the local news team on WQAD our local ABC affiliate and being too lazy to change the channel by default we end up watching Good Morning America. This means we hear endless stories about Dancing with the Stars. Why does anyone care about that show? We have NEVER watched even a minute of it aside from the replays on GMA. When I see those clips I am left wondering, who are these so called "stars". Really!?! Chaz Bono, Tom Delay, those are stars? In what universe? Good Morning America is sort of a news show. Since when is a fake celebrity dance contest news? Especially news that has to be broadcast every fucking day of the week? I don't care? Our economy is in the toilet. We are in a presidential election year. So far this morning 99% of the shit on GMA has been about Men in Black 3 and Dancing with the Stars. This has become the face of America. This is what we care about? If we continue down this path to oblivion we will all be shopping at WalMart for low quality goods made in other countries. In closing I would watch dancing with a star if they would load all the contestants in a rocket and launch them into the Sun. That would be a dance worth watching.

Bitterness

Yesterday Carol and I went to Knoxville Cemetary to place flowers on the graves of her father and a very dear friend of mine. Gerald Dugan Strom died in 1996 of a massive heart attack. It was an appropriate way for him to go if there is such a thing. He did everything in a massive way. He worked with those we called at the time "mentally retarded"I know the erm has fallen out of favor. Dugan didn't care what you called his clients, he cared about how they were treated. He was their tireless advocate. He loved them and respected them and they loved him back. Dugan and I spent two years riding in a car together from Galesburg to Macomb as commuter students attending Western Illinois University and graduated together in 1976. We took our own career paths but always stayed in touch. He moved to Glen Falls, New York in 1996 to be the CEO of a large residential program for developmentally disadvantaged adults. Sounded more politically correct didn't it? Our oldest son Jeremy was going to attend college in Providence, Rhode Island and Dugan asked us to stop by on the way. It was several hours out of the way and during the drive I wondered more than once if we should just skip it and head to Jeremy's school. We made that side trip in early September and I got to see my friend's new office, meet some of his staff and hear all the things he wanted to update and change. In early November he was dead. I'd come so close to not making that trip a few hours out of my way to see him. It taught me one valuable life lesson. If you love someone, tell them. If they are your friend and they need help, do what needs to be done. Don't think you will see them or talk to them later, it may not happen. We try to do as much as we can for our children and grandchildren. Why hoard money now so they can have it when we die? Why not share it with them now so we can enjoy it with them? Live in the moment and embrace whatever it gives you. Be the friend, neighbor, lover that you would want them to be toward you. Dugan's death could have made me bitter. I could have spent all these years complaining how unfair it was. His death changed my life. He made me a better person, a better man, gave me a push to live now, love now, be kind now.

Playboy

Every man at one point or another buys or has a subscription to a "gentleman's magazine". Today's mail included a Playboy subscription renewal. They were quick to point out that it was the third renewal notice. Better hurry, you might miss something. Does it have some interesting articles? Yes, from time to time. Are the opinions expressed interesting and informative? Sometimes they are. Do the movie, book and television reviews prove to be helpful? Generally not. Are the women beautiful and naked? Always. Are they air brushed and photoshopped perfection? Certainly. In the long run is this enough to continue the subscription? Probably not. Once a month some of the most beautiful women in the world trade some of their flesh for money. The argument is made by some that the women phtographed are objectified and somehow diminished. Others make the case that the women are being presented in a sensitive and artistic manner. In some ways both are right. Perhaps a more sensible reason for ot subscribing or buying is a little closer to home. How does your wife, daughter or granddaughter feel? The women pictured, before they are air brushed and photoshopped, are one in a million. When the computer geeks are done with them they at times defy the laws of nature. One might particularly note that it appears some breasts have anti-gravity properties. The final comparison I will make and another reason i will not renew has to do with cars. In my youth I thought nothing would be better than being able to drive around in a Corvette Stingray. What an amazing beautiful car. I didn't go down to the car dealer every month and look at one or subscribe to a car magazine. Why torture myself looking at something I would never be able to afford. I've never sat in a Corvette Stingray. Never driven one. It is about as useful and obtainable to me as a girl who has posed in playboy. They do those interviews and ask them what kind of man the want. So far none of them have been vapid enough to say: "I'm looking for an overweight, blad, middle-aged man who is retired, has 6 granddaughters, 3 children, a wife and a big mortgage." Realistically they have about as much interest in me as I have in them. I'm married to a middle-aged woman who promised over 37 years ago that she would be there for richer or poorer, in good times and bad, in sickness and in health until death parts us. She has kept her end of that agreement and aside from death stuck with me through all those experiences. So someone else can pay to look at those fake breasts and altered photos in Playboy and I will continue to try to be worthy of the woman who has made the choice to spend her life with me.

Nature Shots

It has been a busy few days here and the opportunity presented itself to take a few amazing photographs. It isn't mug shot Monday so it will be called Natural Tuesday. A few of Knox County's most wonderful inhabitants who have somehow managed to find the area we call home.

This picture was taken today. It speaks to how unusually warm it has been as normally these are in bloom around Memorial Day.

This goose and his mate stopped by a week or so ago. He decided the view from the garage was what he wanted. His mate stayed on the ground. They stayed a few minutes then headed off to see more of the neighborhood.

This fine fellow decided to stop by and do his impression of Rocket J. Squirrel from Rocky and Bullwinkle. Sorry looks like a fluffy tailed tree rat to me.





A while back I posted a picture of a hawk nest. This is mother Red Tail Hawk checking on the kids yesterday. She wouldn't turn and look at me. It's funny I took this picture from the tractor seat. As long as the tractor is running and you stay on it she will stay put. If you are in a truck or get off the tractor she flies away.

The last three photographs were taken today and are of the baby hawks in the nest. All I can say is if you want a good wildlife picture take a bunch of them. These were the best three out of about one hundred I took. When I was taking them I wasn't sure what I was getting and did not realize the baby was peeking out of the nest.

I used to be a hunter. Not that I hunted much but every once in a while I would go out and kill some rabbits or raccoons or squirrel. As I've gotten older it has become impossible for me to do that any more. The intellectual part of me understands it needs to be done to control populations since we have managed to destroy most of the predatory animals. My heart won't let my intellect kill any more. They are safe from me.

Today

This was one of those days I call a "not too" day. Not too hot, not too cold, not too sunny, not too cloudy, not too humid, not too dry- you get the idea a perfect say. We had two things we wanted to accomplish today. Being retired we set our goals pretty low. We wanted to plant flowers on Candy's grave. Our beloved dog left us in March and we are still mourning. You would think it would get easier and you would be wrong. Anyway there are now some lovely flowering plants where she lays. The other thing was to have a guy come by and see if his machine could help us clear some brush in our timber. He got lost three times on the way here but did finally arrive. He will be able to help us for the low price of $100.00 per hour. The important thing is that he can do in an hour what would take me a week. He will be back to do the work in August. It was three by then and we decided to go for a motorcycle ride. No plan, no destination and no stops. Just two hours out seeing the Illinois countryside and feeling the wind in our faces. It was wonderful. So if you want some advice just get on a bike and point it down the road, hit the throttle and have some fun.

Humor

Humor is one of those subjective things. What I find funny you may find juvenile or even stupid. I'm okay with that and have no problem saying things that make me look stupid or immature. Sometimes on a really good day I can do both at once. Carol and I went to WalMart today and it seems to be one of those places where my mouth overrules my brain on a regular basis. One of my major problems is staring. You see strange things at WalMart. I spent a career in prisons and detention centers watching other people do things. Sometimes very strange things. If you are going to be in public and do a strange thing I am going to watch really, really closely. I figure if I don't pay close attention I might miss something really strange or awful. It's not like I want to participate I just want to watch. WalMart was boring today just the normal misfits and their odd fashions. No one really acting weird. We got to the checkout lane and as usual we had to wait about 15 minutes. I am always fascinated by what they put in the lanes to attempt to get you to make an impulse buy. Today they had vasaline lip balm and locktite super glue next to each other. I suggested to Carol that if one product didn't fix a problem with someone's mouth the other one would. The clerk at the lane looked at the two products, then at me and just shook her head and walked away. Maybe a prior bad experience with super glue. The following are things I saw that I thought were funny. Feel free to disagree. Like I said humor is subjective.

Yes I make fun of people with handicaps. I don't know anything about being politically correct and hope I never learn.

Never have learned that either. Hope I never do.

Be proud of who and what you are even if you are an idiot.

Marketing, you never know how it will go until you try. I think Carl was on to something with the original name. I think that crowd SUCKED!

Mayday or May Day?

May Day is a celebration of spring. Mayday is a call for help. Why? Do we need help escaping from spring? Does spring put us in distress? Yeah, I know. I looked on google and wikipedia and mayday is from a french saying "venez m'aider" meaning please come help me. Aren't the French saying that all the time? I always wonder about Cinco de Mayo. It is a celebration of the victory of the Mexican army over the French. Wow, really impressive Mexico, you beat up on the French. Seems to me every country could have a holiday to celebrate that accomplishment. I shouldn't complain any holiday we celebrate by drinking beer and eating tacos is good in my opinion. Speaking of beer, there are days when I really feel like calling these guys.

I think today is probably one of those days. I am sitting around waiting on the state forester to look at my newly planted trees and approve my work so that the USDA will reimburse me the money I spent to buy and plant them. It is raining and I think he may be somewhat unmotivated today. I have also heard rumors he is retiring in the near future. As always with the state the work keeps coming at you until you walk out the door leaving things undone and no one shows up to replace you for months or at times for years. Worrying won't change a thing so I will just try to do other things while I wait.

Yesterday was about milestones and I wanted to share something you younger men should think about as you grow older.

The rules of aging are hard to read so I will recap.

1. Never pass up a bathroom.

2. Never waste a hard on.

3. Never trust a fart.

In keeping with the celebration of Cinco de Mayo numbers one and three become especially important with the consumption of beer and tacos. I must admit the fellow in the picture appears to have experienced the misery of ignoring each of those rules at one point or another.

Finally for today. There are many, myself included who think that Lincoln was without doubt our greatest president. The United States would be a very different place had he not been the great man he was. Well now musicians and stoners can unite behind this great man.

Who are we to argue? So, relax, go sit on the porch and let your worries drift away is the haze.