Sometimes things happen that you should anticipate but somehow don't. They take you by surprise and then you think about things you hadn't considered before. The unanticipated event was the death of a friend's father. He was 83 so it shouldn't have been a big surprise. It was because he always seemed in good health and never looked his age.
The man who died was Frederick M. O'Connor. What I hadn't considered was of the group who were my closest friends growing up he was the last surviving father. In grade school, junior high and high school there was a group of us who played together and worked together and got in trouble together.
The first to pass was Floyd Nelson. He and his wife Martha played bridge with my parents almost every week when we were in grade school. They had four children, two boys and two girls. Albert was the oldest son and was a year older than my older brother Jay. Eric was the younger brother and is a year younger than me. We played baseball, football, tag, army and a hundred other games. Climbed in trees and barns. Walked the top of board fences. Eric and Albert were fearless tree climbers. You would start climbing and look up and there one of them was 70' in the top of a tree hanging onto twigs. I would be about 20' up hoping I wouldn't fall out and die. They moved away when we were in junior high. Floyd got a job in Quincy with the Social Security Administration. He's the one who inspired me to seek employment in public service. Life was about providing service and not about how much money you make.
Al Hungerford was next. Al and his wife Billie had three boys. Mike who is the same age as my older brother Jay, Chuck who is my age and Steve who is a year younger than my younger brother David. The Hungerford boys lived in a house along the Henderson-Wataga road where it crosses interstate 74. We spent a good deal of time on evenings and weekends giving the construction workers building the road things to repair or replace. Al was a chemist for Butler Manufacturing. He was a serious intellectual man. His lesson to me was that education and hard work on studies paid off.
My father died next. It is not possible to list all the things I learned from him. It is different growing up on a farm. First, your Dad is there ALL the time. He doesn't go off to that mysterious place called "work" to do that "job" . You worked with and for your Dad because things needed to be done and he needed the help. Allowance? Yes, he told us because we helped we were allowed too eat, have a warm place to sleep and clothes to wear. He taught me to speak my mind and Mom taught me to temper it with kindness.
Frederick O'Connor was the last to pass. He died on Thursday. He was the nicest man I ever knew. I never heard Freddie utter an unkind word about anyone. EVER! He always stopped to talk when he saw us out. Asked about our kids. Told us how his were doing. He and Joann had six. Tom is the oldest and my age. Marty is the same age as my brother David. Theresa, Angela, Brian and Michael are younger. I worked for Freddie from time to time baling hay. He was always good to work for and made a tough job seem easier. I participated in the cattle drive for several years. We drove cattle down the roads on foot from Fremont road to their home place near Wataga.. There are almost no fences along the fields now so that annual drive is a distant memory. Freddie taught me that life will throw you a problem from time to time but a pleasant attitude can make the situation more tolerable. Getting upset and throwing a fit doesn't solve anything.
So there are four men who contributed to my life. Men who I looked to as an example. Men I thought about when I had a decision to make. What would they have done? How would they handle this? Most important was, what would they think about what I was doing? They are all gone now taking their example and wisdom with them. They are all missed and the world is a better place because they passes through and lived a life that shows us what is good and right.
So, that was where Frederick O'Connor's death lead me. Thinking about how those four men shaped who I am today. My heartfelt thanks to each of them.
A respected educator over in Aledo and I struck up a conversation regarding role models quite a few years ago. I told him they were all around if one just looked and he poo-pooed the whole RM thing. His argument was no one should be in a position to do that extra labor for people. Follow your own dictates, he advocated. Like you, I got my dictates from people I knew and grew up with. That educator was wrong, of course. I believe in the preponderance of the clean slate and our families, environment, associates, expereinces and our own hearts write on that empty slate.
ReplyDeleteYou were lucky to have such people imprint the moral compass of your future. I, too had such people, I think we all do. The bulk of mine was not only family but when i worked for Uncle Ed, he had the baler, and the corn sheller and we went around and did the same peoples jobs and after quite a few years you get a good sense of the good-old Midwestern ethic. Not just work ethic, but social ethics, too. We were lucky. Like I said, we all have people to show us the "way", unfortunately there are bad ways as well.
By the way, while I'm thinking of it, you bring up the game of Bridge your folks played. Mine did, too. In fact we always got the giggles when we saw the scorepads. There was one section entitled "rubber". Being the kids we were we only thought of those things.
Do people play Bridge anymore? Seems a whole generation went by without learning.