We Wonder

It is one of the constants of the human condition. People involved in the self help community tell us not to do it. They act like they don't. I cannot accept that is true. We all wonder. What if? We make choices every day. Some aren't very consequential or at least don't seem to be at the time. What to have for lunch? Over the years those choices can add on pounds and clog our arteries. When we drive, which way to turn at a fork in the road. Left or right? We went left. What would or could have happened if we went right? We can never know. When you are young you have dreams. Things you plan to do. Jobs you hope to get. How much money you will earn. The car you will drive. Life has a way of dealing with your dreams. Keeping you awake. You lay in your bed at night, look back at the day and wonder. What if? Why did I make that seemingly harmless smart ass remark? Should I have been kinder with my words or deeds? The unfortunate truth, is that for mankind, time is linear. We move forward constantly. No chance of going back and making a change. Words, once spoken, cannot be unsaid or unheard. We can offer our feeble apologies and vow to do better in the future. We cannot, no matter how much we would like to, go backward in time. I often think about people who die in car accidents. It happens in an instant but it is not isolated from the rest of the victims day. Another sip of coffee. A few more strokes of the toothbrush in the morning. A traffic signal that changes to red a second or two earlier. No accident. They are alive. It was as if a perfect storm erupted that day. No going back. So, we make choices every day. We look back and wonder. What if? The choice we didn't make may, in the long term, be worse than the one we made. Knowing all that we still abuse ourselves with the question. What if? I did that often today. I'll do so again tomorrow. It won't change the outcome. It won't fix any problems. I understand that. It won't change what is going to happen in my head tomorrow.