Marriage

I sat the other day talking with a friend and learned after 20 years of marriage they were going their separate ways. The explanation was that they had raised their children and spent all their time and energy focused on the kids. The children had grown up and were more or less on their own and this couple realized that over the course of  that 20 year period they had grown apart. I honestly didn't know what to think other than: "This is really tragic." It was a couple who clearly at some point loved each other and were committed to raising their children together. Where did things go wrong? I'm sure that is a question that no one can really answer with complete certainty. The only marriage that you can ever really know is the one that you are in. I would like to say that Mrs. Sutor and I have had a wonderful and trouble free marriage and to some on the outside it may have appeared that way. It was not and in the future will not be. There are always obstacles to overcome and problems to be solved. The question becomes: do you want to do that on your own or with your best friend and life partner? We have been married almost 38 years. There have been ups and downs. Times when we struggled financially and wondered how we would keep family and home together. Times when we weren't happy with each other over work or friends or life in general. My friend who is getting divorced was somewhat surprised when I said how long Carol and I had been married. How did you manage to stay married so long? We are stubborn. Carol and I have often told others that we remain married because we vowed till death do us part and the other person just won't die. Too many relationships end because the couples lose sight of the promises they made in their vows. You know, for richer or poorer, in sickness or in health, forsaking all others. A good marriage is based on a few unbreakable laws. I would say rules but I have always believed that rules are made to be broken. Laws are not. Take gravity for example. If gravity was a rule I would try to break it, but I know if I jump off a tall building gravity is a law and I will most assuredly end up broken. So simply put, be honest and faithful. Treat your spouse the way you would want to be treated. The couple getting divorced ignored each other as they raised their children and woke up to discover they didn't like how they had been ignored. If they had treated each other better over the years perhaps they would be staying married. A final word on forsaking all others. There are times in life when we meet others and the thought enters our head that maybe the grass is greener in another place. It always helped me to remember that if someone will cheat with you they will also cheat on you. There can be no real happiness with that person because you know that they have been unfaithful with you. Even if they are not cheating you will always wonder if the opportunity presents itself would they cheat. If life teaches you nothing else you know the opportunity will be there some day. So you will always feel somehow insecure in the relationship. That my friend is not the way to build a lasting marriage.