Tis The Season

From time to time things happen on Tybee Island that you just have to share. This is an incident that happened at Benny's on Friday night. I wish I could have made this up but it wouldn't be as funny if I had.

Friday night was the annual Christmas bush lighting on Tybee Island. Most places have a Christmas tree. We have a bush. When I heard the folks at Benny's talking about lighting the Christmas bush many inappropriate comments came to mind. Those of you who know me personally are aware of many things I normally would have said. In a show of remarkable restraint I said nothing. For those of you who wonder here is a picture of the bush.

The Christmas bush is worthy of a comment or two. I will begin by saying our bush is classy. Many bushes have crabs. If you look closely our bush has lobsters. Classy!!! Near many (about half) bushes there are balls. Usually just a couple. Our bush has lots of balls. Beach balls actually. Multi colored balls. That's us. Lobsters and colorful balls. But that isn't what this story is about. Here is the real story.

Two of the bartenders were off duty but in the bar having a pre bush lighting adult beverage. Both of the ladies, Wanda and Joann have digital cameras and were going to go down the street to take some pictures of the bush lighting. One of the patrons, we'll call him Mark, because that is his name asked how they were going to get a good picture since it was dark out. In stories you change the names to protect the innocent. Mark didn't get his name changed so figure it out. Wanda told him that it didn't matter because they could use Photoshop to fix any problems with the pictures. It lead to this classic exchange.

Mark: "Do you remember that gal I dated recently?"

Patron 1: "Do you mean the fat one?"

Mark: "No not her."

Wanda: "Was it the one with no teeth?"

Mark: (In a somewhat dejected tone.) "No not that one either."

Patron 2: "Was it the skinny boney one?"

Mark: "Yeah, that's her. She was really thin."

Wanda: "Wasn't she the one who stole your money?"

Mark: (In an even more dejected tone.) "Yeah, that's her. She didn't look anything like her picture on the dating web site. Can you do that with Photoshop?"

Mark, instead of asking about Photoshop directly, has decided to unintentionally drag us through his recent dating history. My initial thought was that he should try a different dating site. The more I thought about it though it occurred to me he has almost hit the redneck dating daily double. If the skinny girl or the fat girl had been toothless he would have doubled his score. In a bit of bad luck, had the skinny gal been toothless since she stole his money she would have scored a rare redneck trifecta. If there is a lesson to be learned here I wonder if it might be this. Don't beat around the Christmas bush when you have a question, just get directly to what you want to know. Additionally, it appears that internet dating is a questionable endeavor.