It seems as we go through life we all do things that we consider later and wish that life had a rewind button. It doesn't. So we somehow have to find a way to move on and do things differently or better. I was reading an article the other day written by a nurse who provided palliative care. The patients she had worked with had been sent home to die. People on their deathbeds tend to look back with a clarity that most of us lack in our day to day lives. We put off thinking about things because we think there will be time later and frankly it is often just to painful to look back at our shortcomings. She would ask them if they had anything they would have done differently if they had the opportunity. She related these as the top five.
1. I wish I had led a life that was true to myself and less of what others expected of me. People wish they had dreams of doing things and just never did them. They lay on their deathbeds knowing that they had not fulfilled those dreams based on things they had chosen to do and things they had not chosen. The lesson here is when you can take a chance and honor those things you dream about. They won't always work out but at least you won't lay on your deathbed someday and wonder, what if.
2. I wish I hadn't worked so hard. Sometimes we get so busy earning a living that we fail to make a life. We miss our children's baseball games, concerts, first words, first steps, maybe just the opportunity to talk with them about their hopes and dreams. We get so caught up on the treadmill of life. Up in the morning, off to work, home to do the yard work and household stuff, off to bed and do it again tomorrow. We work like crazy to have stuff we don't really need for a happy and complete life. Isn't life more about relationships than about things? We've all heard the saying "Whoever dies with the most toys wins." Well dumb ass what does it matter, you are dead.
3. I wish I had the courage to express my feelings. We spend a lot of time and effort suppressing our feelings to keep peace with others. We don't want to make them mad or hurt their feelings. We end up bitter and resentful. We cannot control how others feel but we can express our feelings honestly and fairly. It changes our relationships with others. If the communication improves the relationship that is great. If it ends the relationship then it releases you from an unhealthy relationship. Seems like you are better off no matter how it goes.
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends. The value of long term friendships is often unappreciated until we are faced with death or a crisis. Once again we allow our lives to get too busy, caught up in the daily grind of work and ignore the relationships that provide a richer and fuller life than the things we buy. At the end of life we see what is really important. It is love and relationships. The things we have become more and more meaningless.
5. I wish I had let myself be happier. We often lose sight of the fact that happiness is a choice. We get stuck in habits and patterns and forget to break out of those and choose happiness. We live a life of comfortable familiarity. We fear change. We are satisfied with feeling content. So when you get a chance do something silly. Have some fun.
Just some things to think about. As you get older you tend to look back and wonder about the what ifs. Time to set that aside and enjoy life. So take a little time today, enjoy a relationship, forget about work, turn the TV off and have some fun.
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